Tag Archives: exercise

day thirty eight

17 Sep

1. commitment

i’ve said random things lately (and always) about getting committed to various things, usually exercise and eating right. which lasts varying lengths of time from none at all to a few months. but this time feels different. my husband and i are both starting to eat better and cutting out the pizza and pasta and eating out that we both love so much (it’ll be good for our savings account as well). granted, today was the first day, but i really do feel that this time is sustainable. i can’t say what it is exactly that feels different, but i truly hope that i’m in touch with some sort of strength inside me. i’ve been unhappy about my health and fitness (and superficially, my body) for too long now. i’m sick of it.

i’m grateful for my husband for committing with me to get into shape, and i’m so happy that i’m taking it seriously. for the first time in a long time (sadly), at no point during the day did i feel too full. i felt content, but never that “oh my god, i ate too much” food-baby feeling, which frankly, is really not pleasant. so, i’m very grateful for myself making a commitment to myself.

2. autumn

this evening when we walked outside, for the first time i thought it smelled like autumn was coming. and though we haven’t really had a summer due to the rain and general greyness, i think i’m excited about autumn. spring here was so gorgeous and made me realize just how little i have experienced of seasons and i’m excited for the next one. though again, summer totally disappointed me, the spring amazed me and i have high hopes for both autumn and winter (though i’m also afraid of winter).

it should be said that my husband did not think that it smelled like autumn. in fact, he said that it just smelled like a fire, which led me to wonder about the season in california. october is fire season, really, so maybe i associate fire with autumn? regardless, i’m grateful for seasons and am looking forward to the next one.

3. midday lying down

it wasn’t quite a nap, but mid-clean, i lay down on the bed where my husband was laying and listening to the football game on the radio. i think i was trying to get him back up and cleaning, in theory. but he was too obsessed with the captain of his fantasy football (that’s “soccer” to us, only i’m not allowed to say that word in our home) scoring, or rather, not scoring. and somehow, we ended up just lying there together, sort of partially listening to the radio, partially cuddling and a bit just lying there doing nothing.

the window was open and there was a cool breeze coming in, but the house was still warm and the sun was out and it was just such a simple hour. we didn’t even talk that much (except for when one of the teams scored and it was not robin van persie), and it was just so relaxing and i’m so grateful to be able to feel that comfortable with another person and to have such a nice, lazy moment in the middle of the day. sometimes it’s the most normal things that are the most special, really.


day thirty three

12 Sep

1. a happy moment, thanks in part to the postal service

i was walking out of the main train station, dom hauptbahnhof, on my way to work and in a pretty fine mood. it was a completely blustery day and aside from the fact that i was wearing lip gloss that was way too sticky for such a windy day (my hair kept getting stuck on my mouth), i was really enjoying it. it was warm and sunny and the wind was just so strong, it really was impressive. and just as i’m coming out of the station and the gorgeous dom cathedral comes into view (seriously one of the best cathedrals i’ve ever seen), this song comes onto my ipod and i’m looking up at the cathedral as a flock of birds fly straight across my view, curl back up and around and it almost looks like they are dancing to the song and the sunlight was glinted of the already-repaired and shiny bits of the façade and all i could do was smile. gorgeous day, gorgeous life. i’m grateful.

2. i didn’t cry or have a panic attack in class

so today was my first day of work and i was actually less nervous than i thought, which was fantastic. leading up to the class, i was still feeling that kind of anxious, panicky feeling about everything else but teaching. i don’t know why my brain does that. just when i need to focus on one thing, it panics and brings up everything else i need to do in my life. but, i successfully pushed that aside and planned my lessons.

in class, of course, everything came naturally. i had a couple of moments where it seemed like the conversation wasn’t flowing and i had to awkwardly force certain expressions and what not. but, i guess that’s normal. all in all, i’d say it went rather well. and, like i said, i didn’t cry or have a panic attack. so, excellent in my book.

3. back on the couch to 5k

i am completely recommitted and started off well today. to be honest, i felt horrible during the running portion. i don’t think i’ve ever moved so slow in my life and my whole body was screaming at me: what the hell do you think you’re doing to me?? but, i persevered and in the end, of course, i felt great.

i’m looking forward to pilates tomorrow and then my next run on wednesday. i’ve got to get out of week three! i’ve been stuck here for about a month now, and i just don’t move on to week four because i’ve only done two days of week three. so, this week, i will not fail. three full days of week three and next week, week four.



day twenty three

2 Sep

today i locked myself out of the house. it was about 1 o’clock, or 1:30, i believe and all morning i had been cleaning the house. i started with the kitchen and did the dishes, cleaned out the fridge and even moved the fridge to clean under it and washed the walls (the walls here are all wallpapered and then painted and are decidedly difficult to clean for some reason that i haven’t quite figured out). i then started on the floors and the trash can. after i washed down the trash can, i decided to set it just outside the door, as it was a pretty hot and sunny day. of course the window was open and my music was playing quite loud – james always says he can hear me when he’s coming down the street.

it should be said that when the window is open, it gets quite breezy in the apartment. so, as you can probably guess, just as i set the can on the floor, the door slammed behind me. it took me a minute to figure out what had happened. i had only just stepped outside and didn’t really expect it.

sadly, it’s not the first time we’ve locked ourselves out.

let’s just say that i spent a good part of the day sitting outside my door waiting for james to come home. i couldn’t call or anything, because my phone was sitting inside, and i didn’t want to go try and speak to someone or walk to his work because i was wearing quite short shorts that for me are strictly indoor garb and i hadn’t even washed my face and frankly, looked a state.

so, instead, i sat out and waited. for hours. i found precious little to entertain me. as you can see, i spent some time ripping out a little note to james from a leaflet that had been left on top of our mailboxes. and, just like as a child, i imagined that the minute i finished, he would come home. he didn’t.

he came home at 6:30. of course, i wouldn’t have known that, not even knowing what time it was the whole afternoon.

what do i have to be grateful within that?

1. an hour (or so) in the sun

today i spent an hour sitting in the sun and doing nothing. i couldn’t possibly think of my to do list, or emailing anyone or even the alternate realities of the tom and maggie tulliver (i’m reading the mill on the floss, by george eliot). i just sat. it was pretty much silent, except the birds and bees and flutterings of this and that down the road. it is something i wish i did for myself more often.

2. didn’t have to clean the whole house

i’m one of those extreme people who never just dust or vacuum or do a bit here and there, when i clean, it’s all out spring cleaning. i just only do it once a month or so. don’t get me wrong, i tidy and do the dishes throughout the week (i aim for every day. that doesn’t always happen, if i’m honest.), but usually once a month, i’ll clean. everything. and every time i always think, why don’t i just do the floors and do the kitchen tomorrow and then the bathroom another day or something, and i never do. and today, i just did the kitchen, which will force me to separate it out and do a bit here and there. i sort of like it.

3. commitment

i’m hoping i’ve made a commitment to myself. it made me really sad that i wouldn’t walk to james’s work today because i didn’t look good. i think that i am too superficial and too judgmental and also that i’m very, very unhappy with how i look and my health. i’ve been feeling that way for years, and seem unable to commit to doing something about it. and today instead of being seen in an outfit that i found too revealing – not because it was actually too revealing, but because i’m too “big” to be wearing something like that in public, i chose to sit on my front stoop for approximately five hours. i think that signifies that i need to make some changes for myself.

day fourteen*

25 Aug

*crap, i’m getting bad at this already. i totally forgot about yesterday because when i got home, i had such a bad headache, i basically just passed out…

1. runs that feel like exercise

sometimes, it just feels really good to feel sore and actually feel like i’ve worked out. i’m not entirely sure it that’s because i don’t work out enough, but i’m gonna go ahead and ignore that part of things and just revel in the good “i’ve just exercised” feeling.

2. my husband likes to hang out with me

we met some of his friends for dinner and a movie, but james wanted to meet me first just to hang out by ourselves a bit before we met them. and that’s nice. i like that my husband is my best friend and likes me as much as i like him.

3. peanut butter sandwiches

i really like peanut butter sandwiches. and besides the fact that they are really good in and of themselves, they are so easy to eat when you’re in a hurry and need to eat something good and filling on your way out. which happened to me after my workout and shower and i was hungry but running out the door. and it was perfect.

day six

16 Aug


1. couch to 5k

having a program like this one actually helps me stick with it. this morning, i got up at 8 (which might be normal to some people, but is unfortunately not for me) and went for a run before going to cologne. last night as i went to sleep, i wasn’t sure i was going to make it, and i might not have if i weren’t on a set program that i have to do three times a week. i appreciate that someone designed this program for idiots like me and that someone else made a free app out of it for my phone so that i don’t have to time myself or buy one of those fancy watches.

2. book exchange

though normally i’m very anti these sorts of events (who actually wants to give away books? i just don’t understand.), i figure the more things that get me out of the house and talking to real live people, the better. and, of course, it’s better than any event without books. when i arrived and sat down, i saw, conveniently placed just in front of me, a book that i’d been wanting to read for awhile now. i’ve read two others in the series, and i really enjoy them. i had just been thinking that i needed a new “easy” (as in, the type of book i wouldn’t have read or admitted to reading ten years ago – luckily now i don’t care) book and now i’ve got one that i’m excited about!

3. finding my way around cologne

i’m very grateful for my smart phone because it gets me around my new city, albeit not very well. i have no idea why this city is so confusing! today, however, i made it to the starbucks on breite straße for the book exchange all by myself and felt just for a second like i was really starting to understand a little bit about the way the city was laid out, which is a nice feeling.